You're not using my ashtray for a fucking ashtray! What's wrong with you?
-sorry mom, I thought that's what its for. It's a really cool ashtray though, more art than function but still, its a fucking ashtray.
I put the lizard in the bathroom and you'll never guess where I found him....in the shower bless his little heart.
-yup, figure that one out on your own peeps. The lizard is obviously too fucking cold to do anything but lay around in the shower stall and wait to get captured. He could have maybe made his grand escape if he'd only got up to the toilet....but then I'd have got the late night call that we were going to have to come help her search the pipes for her lizard.
I don't mind scratching your dog's ass, cuz he can't reach it, but really he's got to stop looking at me like that. Don't you ever scratch his ass for him?
-nope, I leave that for y'all two's quality time when you come to visit mom.
HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY!!!