Shit My Mom Says..Mondays

• My daughter is laying flat on my mom's kitchen floor, swishing her head back and forth like a mop...         mom says: 

       "Get your hair off of that floor right now!  Do you know how much pee I put on that floor?  I pee on it every night.  Don't you tell nobody that though."        
     
I can just see my 5 year old's eyes light up. I'm sure she'll be telling her whole class soon enough.

• She is supposed to be listing things she is good at, and her dreams for her counselors' appointment.  I'm over visiting and helping her brainstorm. My mom is good at lots of things and I was sure to help her with that list but I told her her dreams were on her own to list.  They went a little something like this:

     "I dreamed I was 7' tall, it never happened.  I dreamed I was walking along an ocean beach.....That shit's not happening either.  What the fuck am I supposed to dream about!?!!?"

• Every time my mom says something that just has me laughing my ass off now, I look for a pen and paper so I can remember it for my Monday posts.    She's told me repeatedly that she doesn't give a damn that I have this blog posting.  But the last ROTFLMFAO comment had me yelling to my 5 year old to get me a pen immediately.  She's eyeing me sideways now.  She very calmly says:

     "What the fuck are you writing?
     "Shit My Mom Says Mondays, mom.  I told you about this."        
     "Hmm.  More like Diary of a Crazy White Woman's Mad Black Daughter!"
     "God I love my mom."


HAPPY FUCKING MONDAY EVERYONE FROM ME AND MY MOM!