Thursday, May 20, 2010

It's Ending Now

It's ending now, this love inside me that I thought would last forever
The tears in my heart are drying up. No more to fall from these eyes.
The lies he's told me shall be the last, for I can no longer stand to hear them.
I was the one who believed in happily ever after, so I am to be the one to close the book on this so called fairy tale.
Hood love, is that what it was or is?
Should we call it young love, now that it is dying so relatively soon?
If I have to live the rest of my life without ever knowing another love like this; then what kind of love will I say it was on my deathbed?
Lost love?
Am I now, at 26, contemplating the end of my love; in fact preparing myself to leave my soulmate?
Is he the only one I'll ever get?
He is I, and I am he.
We are us.
Nothing will ever change about that, even as so many other things will.
I'm pointing the finger now.
HE killed my love.
It was him, I saw him do it, I feel the wounds old and new like they're infected.
As if he put a knife to my soul and ripped my heart into a million pieces.
He cut it away bit by bit, piece by piece.
Over so many years, so long it took that I didnt feel the pain all at once, just in little hurts.
But I can feel it all now, so keenly I want to fall to my knees and wail from my gut.
It's ending now.
My mind, my body, my life and my love.
I gave them all to him.
Trusted him to care for them.
The best father a mother could hope to have for her babies, i can't deny him that.
But what about being the best husband he could possibly be to a young woman who wanted so badly to believe in him?
Promises, whispers in the dark, his lips upon my skin.
I'm a woman so hurt I can hardly see past my tears anymore.
What good is this family I dreamed of for my babies if the love that created it is tainted.
Why does it have to hurt so bad?
How could he call it love?
His brand of lovin' leaves burns.
Darker than red, and brighter than blue.
I'm burgundy now.
Every time I close my eyes.
He killed the hope in me, hurt a part of me I can't even point to.
It just hurts so bad.
It's ending now.
I prayed it never would, I swore I'd never let it.
It's ending now.

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